There may not be much mystery left surrounding the IdeaTab S2110, but Lenovo's making it official at IFA anyhow. The hybrid slate, first shown off at this past CES as the IdeaTab S2, now has a new name, but aside from that not much has changed since we saw it creep onto the company's site. The 10.1-inch convertible is outfitted with a 1280 x 800 IPS display, and we'll have more specs and a hands-on for you shortly.
I?m just not a good enough human being to have people in my life. I am, amongst other things; selfish, ungrateful, narcissistic, uncaring, weak, worthless, grotesque, uncompassionate and evil. My voice inflicts pain on everyone I talk to. My body makes people want to vomit. My mind is that of a repulsive freak that brings pain and terror to people?s lives.
Or at least this is what my abuser convinced myself, and others, was the reason I should live an isolated life.
The real reason that I have no friends is slightly more complicated.
I suffer from social anxiety disorder; arguably the least understood anxiety disorder.
?Social anxiety is the fear of social situations and the interaction with other people that can automatically bring on feelings of self-consciousness, judgment, evaluation, and inferiority.
Put another way, social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people, leading to feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression.?
Source: The Social Anxiety Network
The most common feature of social anxiety is a constant, intense anxiety that does not go away. An anxiety that manifests itself physiologically with symptoms including: intense fear, racing heart, turning red or blushing, excessive sweating, dry throat and mouth, trembling, swallowing with difficulty, and muscle twitches.
Like most people who suffer from anxiety disorders, someone suffering from social anxiety knows their anxiety is irrational. But knowing something is very different from believing it. Deep in my heart I know I?m none of the things my abuser called me, but her relentless, repetitive abuse made me believe that everything I listed above is who I am. Her words persist in my mind regardless of what I do to counteract them, in much the same way that social anxiety persists, despite facing the fears on a daily basis.
There are seven situations in which someone suffering from social anxiety will experience significant emotional distress. I have, throughout my life, experienced each of these on multiple occasions ? each leading to a reduced level of functioning, especially in the arena of building friendships and relationships.
1. Being introduced to other people
Any childhood memories of being introduced to new people have dissolved into the sands of time, but when I was a teenager ? when meeting new people is a prerequisite to be accepted ? it was immensely difficult for me. When I joined my new school after moving from Scotland to Wales it took me a long time to start talking to people, with the difficulty increasing to the point of avoidance after my mental health issues took hold.
A similar situation arose when I began backpacking in 1999, with many evenings spent quietly observing the other residents of the hostel, both envious of their ability to engage and angry at my own insecurities. Only when they started talking to me did I begin to communicate, for as with every friend and relationship I?ve ever had, I?ve never had enough control of my anxiety to make the first move.
As with many areas of social anxiety, this inability to communicate often translates to those who don?t understand as a form of snobbish behavior, with many people deciding I thought myself ?too good? to be talking to such ?peasants? ? when in reality it?s the exact opposite. My anxiety drives me to believe I?m not good enough as a person to be around such vibrant, wonderful individuals.
All throughout my life ? being introduced to Louise?s friends upon arriving in Australia, various parties attended throughout those years, having to meet new contacts or prospective employees in various jobs, joining social networking sites in the hope to make new friends, contacting organisations to assist in mental health and/or homelessness issues ? whenever there is the threat or reality of meeting new people I withdraw into my shell like a terrified turtle.
2. Being teased or criticized
Ever since being bullied at school, which I believe to be a fundamental cause of my anxiety, this is my second biggest fear in the world. I know only too well that words can hurt ? at times, far more than sticks and stones.
Although it is something we all fear ? being social creatures, we want people to like us ? this becomes a major issue when someone actively avoids communication over fear of the perceived inevitable criticism. With this in mind, it shouldn?t be too difficult to realize how it can affect building friendships and relationships.
Unfortunately, as has been written many times in the past, just as I was beginning to get a handle on this irrational fear and open up to both friends and strangers, I ended up in an emotionally abusive relationship.
And that is the worst thing that can happen to someone with social anxiety disorder!
3. Being the center of attention
Given that I?m a rather pointless human being who has achieved virtually nothing of note this has never been a huge issue for me. The thought of being the center of attention scares me to the point that I tend to deflect, play down or hide my achievements.
For example:
One of my few moments of pride was the work I produced managing a backpacker hostel many years ago. Although my abuser erased that pride with numerous vicious comments regarding this period (and what I believed to be achievements) I?ve always remembered being the center of attention at my leaving BBQ and the increasing panic that grew in the lead up to my inevitable speech. My words became muddled, my mouth dried and I made myself look like a twat in front of management and staff.
Also, when I had my short story and opinion piece published in 2009 I wrote both under a pseudonym and sent copies to only one person. I never told anyone else for fear of, momentarily, being the center of attention.
4. Being watched while doing something
My first girlfriend became increasingly frustrated that I?d never write when she was around. She thought I was being elusive and hiding something sinister, where in actual fact, I just can?t write when people are watching me.
The same goes for other areas of my life. I wrote recently of how my fear of being watched on stage ultimately led to me turning down Theatre at A-Level. When I was at a college, I would often head to the darkroom outside of hours as I functioned much better when alone. Even work I undertook at the hostel was easier when people weren?t watching me.
The downside to this is that it leads to all sorts of problems when trying to form relationships. Such behavior makes me appear to be a weird loner, secretive, unable to work as part of a team, and untrustworthy ? whereas in reality, the opposite applies.
5. Meeting people in authority (?important people?)
Meeting or being in situations involving important people are guaranteed to freak me out. The usual suspects apply:
Police: although I have never committed a crime nor been arrested in any way shape or form. Judiciary: again, despite never having encountered them, anyone associated with the law freaks me out. Management: I will explore this in more detail in a later entry to the series. David Tennant: never met him ? would probably pass out if I did!
But in my mind, there are others:
Librarians: being the guardians of knowledge, librarians have always been intimidating and prone to cause me anxiety. Academics: a recent comment on The Conversation stated that an interview from an academic was less ferocious than an interview from a journalist. Personally, I would choose an interview from a journalist any day of the year, as I fear whip-smart academics far more than journalists! Psychiatrists: Arg! Why can?t they just understand I get tongue-tied and confused because I?m being placed in a vulnerable, potentially humiliating situation? If they did, I might not be insane as I am! Doctors: see psychiatrists above! Dentists: ditto. Editors: perhaps because my grasp of grammar would most likely cause even the most kind-natured of editors to spank and send me to the naughty corner, perhaps because I simply envy them, editors are the supreme authority figure to this aspiring writer and therefore?runaway!
6. Most social encounters, especially with strangers
When most people think of social encounters they think of parties, or meeting up with friends, few take it the next logical step to be any encounter where social interaction may occur.
There have been times in my life where I have deliberately starved myself rather than walk to the supermarket to buy food.
One time, whilst homeless, I saved for months to secure a motel room but, because I couldn?t bear speaking to the receptionist on that particular day, lost my money by simply not arriving.
As for pre-arranged social encounters, nothing compares to the anxiety surrounding these. If I go I usually end up being so anxious I can?t tell the difference between a Bordeaux and a Claret and spend the entire evening saying nothing but the occasional, incoherent, gargle. If I don?t go, it?s because the anxiety has become so severe I suffer a crippling panic attack and spend the evening flagellating myself for being so weak and worthless. Either way, the chances of meeting new people, are non-existent.
7. Going around the room (or table) in a circle and having to say something
I hated this at school. I hated it at work experience. I hated it at training seminars. I hated it at first aid classes. I hated it at college. I don?t think I will ever not hate it.
When I had to do it at school I?d become tongue-tied and confused; the resulting mumble, oft ridiculed for months afterwards. At work experience (at the age of 15) I was so nervous I admitted ? long before Eccleston, Tennant and Smith made the show must-see television ? that I was a Doctor Who fan; the laughter still haunts me to this day.
By the time I began training seminars I hated this moment so much I would ?accidentally? miss my train or ?accidentally? get a flat tyre purely to arrive late and avoid this cruel hell. Ditto for first aid classes.
As for college, I tried for days to talk to my girlfriend about my fear of this moment in the hope I would receive some understanding, but whenever I did she attacked, knocking my self-esteem so much that on the first night I fumbled my way through my introduction, mixed the names of my favourite film directors (annoyingly, David Fincher and David Mackenzie became Fincher Mackenzie and David David) and accidentally told the class my name was Mitchell. I still don?t know where that came from!
In a world where first impressions are the only thing that matters, fudging this moment immediately puts me on the back foot. Rather than making an impression that creates ?I want to get to know this guy? feelings it becomes the other way around.
This, for the most part, is the story of my life.
No matter what effort I make to overcome this aspect of my life I never seem to be able to get a proper handle on it. It is possible to overcome social anxiety disorder ? as I mentioned, I would have got there had it not been for an abusive relationship ? but the surest way of doing so is through cognitive behavioral therapy.
Unfortunately I?ve never been able to access this particular holy grail of anxiety therapy. My aversion to psychiatrists (I have yet to meet one who seems to grasp the impact this anxiety has on me) means I am left fighting this without support; my anxiety too severe and my life too isolated to navigate the system to obtain effective treatment.
This isn?t to say I?ve given up.
However hopeless and difficult social anxiety may be ? it is beatable!
Previous articles in this series:
Tomorrow: Anxiety and its impact on employment >>>
BEIJING (Reuters) - China's Communist Party is considering downgrading the role of domestic security chief as part of a move to a new and smaller top elite, reflecting fears that the position has become too powerful, sources said.
Reducing the party's Politburo Standing Committee, the inner council at the apex of power, from nine to seven members would come as part of a once-in-a-decade leadership change expected in the next few weeks or months.
China's domestic security chief, Zhou Yongkang, faces defeat if his successor does not follow his example, and that of recent predecessors, and win a place at the top table.
Before he was tainted in a succession of scandals that hurt the Communist Party this year, Zhou expanded his role into one of the most powerful, and controversial, fiefdoms in the one-party government.
He has been on the Politburo Standing Committee since 2007 while also heading the central Political and Legal Affairs Committee, a sprawling body that oversees law-and-order policy.
That double status allowed Zhou to dominate a domestic security budget of $110 billion a year. But the hulking, grim-faced 69-year-old is due to retire along with most members of the Standing Committee at the 18th Party Congress, which will meet before the end of the year.
Leaders appear likely to put a tighter leash on Zhou's successor as head of domestic security by keeping him or her off the down-sized Standing Committee. That successor would remain a member of the less powerful Politburo, which has 24 members -- returning to a pattern the party kept to for much of the 1980s.
The provisional agreement to shrink the Standing Committee and to effectively downgrade the status of Zhou's successor has been rumored for months and firmed up during secret discussions since July, said six sources with direct ties to senior leaders and retired party elders.
"As things now stand, the Political and Legal Affairs Committee secretary won't be in the Standing Committee. He'll have to answer to someone in the Standing Committee. Basically, he won't be his own judge anymore," said a retired party official who remains close to many sitting senior officials.
"I don't think all the people (in the Standing Committee) have been decided, but it seems clear it will be seven."
He and other sources spoke on condition of anonymity, fearing recriminations from discussing secretive party issues.
Zhou was implicated in rumors that he hesitated in moving against the politician Bo Xilai, who fell in a divisive scandal. Security forces also suffered a humiliating failure when they allowed blind rights advocate Chen Guangcheng to escape from 19 months of house arrest and flee to the U.S. embassy in Beijing.
Such fumbles gave President Hu Jintao and his virtually certain successor, Vice President Xi Jinping, a shared motive to put a growing array of police forces and domestic security services under firmer oversight, said Xie Yue, a professor of political science at Tongji University in Shanghai.
"It seems quite likely that Hu and Xi have mustered the will to demote the political standing of the Political and Legal Affairs Committee," he said.
"They're taking advantage of the opinion that the committee's reach has gone too far, and that it's created too many problems and scandals."
Since the 1990s, China's efforts to stifle crime, unrest and dissent have allowed the domestic security apparatus -- including police, armed militia and state security officers -- to accumulate power, and the domestic security budget now outstrips the military's in size.
"There's been a lot of criticism inside the party of the Political and Legal Affairs Committee," said a businesswoman with family ties to a senior politician, referring to Zhou's portfolio. "Zhou Yongkang remains in power, but his voice doesn't have the same impact."
The move to downgrade Zhou's successor would not dilute the party's overall determination to enforce domestic control, but could give other arms of state more room to counter the powers of China's policing apparatus, said Xie, the professor.
"This will reduce somewhat the importance of the Political Legal Affairs Committee inside the party's power array," Xie said in a telephone interview.
"The Political and Legal Affairs Committee secretary will no longer be directly involved in the Standing Committee's key decisions about his portfolio. Unlike Zhou Yongkang, he won't be at the table, directly involved in all those key decisions."
Two sources said the front-runner to replace Zhou as Central Political and Legal Affairs Committee secretary was Meng Jianzhu, now minister for public security.
FOCUS ON PROBLEMS
The push to slim down the Standing Committee at least partly reflects hopes that the next generation of leaders will be more nimble and cohesive in tackling problems, said several observers in Beijing.
"The Hu-Wen era pattern of dividing up powers and allotting responsibilities among all these different stallholders has ended up creating many problems," said Pu Zhiqiang, a Beijing lawyer who closely follows politics. "The next leadership wants to be able to act more swiftly."
Broad plans for the power succession and other proposals for the party congress were discussed at a secretive conclave in Beijing in late July, when two sources said Hu spoke to hundreds of senior officials for several hours.
Chinese state media issued a brief account of Hu's speech. But the two sources said the full version dwelled on the major economic and social challenges facing the government.
"He spoke about the many problems and potential crises. There was a sense of anxiety," said a retired official, who said he was given a broad summary of Hu's speech.
"He spoke about corruption, environmental pressures, economic problems - about all the problems facing the party," said another retired official.
"That sense of urgency is one reason to form a smaller Standing Committee," added the second retired official.
STILL SOME SURPRISES?
Overseas Chinese websites, which are beyond the reach of Beijing's censorship, have also carried reports that the Standing Committee will shrink to seven, and many of them have already offered lists of the likely candidates.
But bargaining over the leadership line-up is not over, and there was still room for surprises, with changes in one choice rippling through to other appointments, said several sources.
"Most people back going to seven (in the Standing Committee), but then it all depends on whether they can agree on who those seven are," said the second retired official.
"There's no final agreement yet."
That view was echoed by Joseph Fewsmith, an expert on Chinese politics, who noted that before the 16th Party Congress in 2002, signs that Hu Jintao would lead a seven-member Standing Committee faltered, and the committee took in nine members.
"My sense is that there is still some bargaining to go," said Fewsmith, a professor at Boston University.
"I'm surprised a date for the congress has not yet been set, but I'm assuming we have about six weeks to go. So we may still see some surprises."
(Additional reporting by Benjamin Kang Lim; Editing by Nick Macfie)
Sad news from Curitiba, Brazil. Holando Piniero da Silva, the father of MMA veteran and all-around good guy Wanderlei Silva, died in a head-on car collision. Silva left his camp in Las Vegas to head to Brazil for his father's funeral services.
Silva recently released video from a visit with his family in Brazil. His father talked about how his son is the pride of Brazil, and beamed as he introduced his entire family to the camera.
"I learned a lot from my dad, even with our hectic life. My father worked three jobs. My parents lived for us," Wanderlei said. "The biggest lesson is that we can achieve anything through hard work and honesty."
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Any childhood memories of being introduced to new people have dissolved into the sands of time, but when I was a teenager ? when meeting new people is a prerequisite to be accepted ? it was immensely difficult for me. When I joined my new school after moving from Scotland to Wales it took me a long time to start talking to people, with the difficulty increasing to the point of avoidance after my mental health issues took hold.
